Attempted Suicide
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: Shizuru tries to kill herself with sleeping drugs and this was her last moments... NOT!


I always knew that there had to be something out there beyond my current life.

I just never realized that it could be so _empty._

The darkness that enveloped me felt so good. It was cold yes, but it was also isolated. If no one could get at me, I could never be hurt. If I gave over to the darkness I'd become strong, I wouldn't feel so alone if I accepted the loneliness. I guess it was just a type of reverse psychology. If I became what I feared, I'd no longer fear it, and it couldn't hurt me.

So many ifs, and so many wrong answers.

There was only one thing that tore open my dark envelope; Only one thing that kept me from receding into it and letting go of my soul; My shining wolf, that lance of ice that kept me from going over the edge. She was so beautiful, and even though she was younger than me, she was so much better, my ideal in every way. She was unaffected by my fears, callused to the hardships and disdain of the world. She was perfect.

And she was my enemy. As much as I loved her, I could never be like her. I had chosen the darkness to make me strong, to keep those fears of mine at bay. I was as scared of my power as I was of the light, but at least the power was mine. At least I had some control in this empty spiral of doubt and fear.

And so I fought her, my love, my opposite. She threatened my "happiness". My light must die before I could truly recede into the dark recesses of my mind. She had to lose her soul before I could lose mine.

We clashed time and again, light against dark, good versus evil. But who was who would have to be left to the spectator, as both of us had goals equally pure.

She wanted to live, and I wanted to die.

"Shizuru!" cried my reflection. She stood maybe 1 meter away from me, anger visible on her face. "Wake up!"

"Natsu-ki…" I struggled out. Talking was hard; it clouded my thoughts and disturbed the peaceful darkness in my head. It let my fears in.

Shizuru took a few steps forward, coming closer and disturbing my darkness further, tearing it apart. "Shizuru wake up! Wake up you idiot!"

My eyes opened slowly, taking a long time to adjust to the dim light. Natsuki kneeled next to me, her hand poised to strike my face. Upon seeing that I was awake, she pulled my body to her, cradling me in her arms. "God damn it you scared me…" she croaked. "I thought you had died. Don't you ever do that to me again!"

"…Natsu-ki…?" I asked. She responded only by hugging me tighter, restricting my breathing. I continued to stare out over her shoulder, not capable of fully grasping what was going on. My body hurt, it felt as if I had been hit by a truck. But what hurt the most was my heart, it felt as if an ember had slowly burned a hole right through it, and now that ember was slowly burning its way through my stomach.

Sickness suddenly overtook me, and I pushed away from my lover so I could vomit, but my stomach was empty. Shakily I raised a hand to wipe my mouth, the taste of bile was still in my throat.

My kouhai came up behind me, gently rubbing the bare skin of my back. Once again I felt the urge to puke, and once again I came up empty. We sat like that, me on all fours trying to choke up food that wasn't there, and Natsuki trying to comfort me by rubbing my back and occasionally hugging me. One last time I heaved, feeling a little mucus and flem come up, and this time Natsuki and I were both surprised to find blood.

"Shizuru? Are you going to be ok?" Natsuki's hand moved from my back to wipe away some of my mussed up hair, I glanced at her then back at the ground with soulless eyes.

"I…I don't feel so good Natsuki. I… it hurts…" My eyes wandered to an empty bottle that had been knocked to the floor. Natsuki followed my gaze and slumped when she saw the container.

"Shizuru, you didn't. Please tell me you didn't." She picked up the bottle to read the label, but it was too dark to see. She didn't need to read it though, the bottle was a bright transparent orange, the kind they use for prescription medication. "You did… shit…! ...how many pills did you swallow?"

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the fuzzy darkness just long enough to answer my beloved's question. But although I tried my hardest, I couldn't concentrate enough to remember.

"I'm calling an ambulance." Natsuki announced, reaching for the phone, but my arm shot out on its own accord, stopping her.

"Don't" I croaked.

She watched me with nervous eyes, taking in my pathetic naked form. Silently I pleaded with her using my eyes, trying to relay the message that it was over, that I had lost.

I pulled weakly on her arm, trying to get her to come closer to me. She faltered a moment, but came down to meet me. "Shizuru?" she asked.

My vision was swimming, making movement hard, but somehow I managed to sit up so I could meet her face to face. I grabbed her head and brought it close to mine, crushing my lips against his. Tears were flowing freely now, running down my cheeks and getting all over Natsuki's angelic face, but I didn't care, I just desperately wanted her to know how much I loved her before it was too late.

She didn't move, she didn't react, she just let me kiss her tenderly as my mind began to fade. It was a perfect moment, one that would last for the rest of my life.

The last thing I felt before slipping into the dark void was her tear hitting my skin, and her hands wrapping around my body. I was beyond hearing, but I could feel the vibration of her voice against my skin. The last thought to enter my mind as I drifted off to that void, was '_I'm sorry Natsuki, I wasn't strong enough to live with the light.'_

**12 hours later**

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling.

"Wah lao eh, thank goodness that she was saved on time lah, it took us a while to wash out all those sleeping pills though."

"Whatever doctor… thanks anyway.", as they are talking, I was woken up by their conversation, looking at Natsuki bowing down to the anthropomorphic dragon, the doctor who saved me.

Natsuki turned back to face me after seeing off the doctor, and is shocked to see me awake.

Being the tsundere she is, she just cleared her throat, and just sat down formally.

"…you still hadn't forgiven yourself for the first district huh?" Natsuki got straight to the point.

I tried my best to look away with my eyes are filled with tears, to hide them.

"…remember, Shizuru, you can always talk about it with me okay?"

I paused. While Natsuki stands up from her seat, leaving the room.

"Wait!" I called out to her.

Natsuki looks back with her earnest eyes.

"…can you stay with me?"

Natsuki sighed.

"…of course, you little crybaby…"

I spent the afternoon crying and then slept in Natsuki's warm embrace. I never would think about what would happen if I really died back there.

I asked myself, _'Do I deserve this second chance?' _and Natsuki answered this through her action, _'Of course you do.'_


End file.
